I'm already 16 years old now. And next year I should choose one of university for me to join in. But now I still dont know what my dream is.

There are a lot of dreams that I wanna take. I wanna be K-Idol (especially singer and actress). I wanna be movie director. I wanna be writer. I wanna be fashion designer.

Since I was child I've been dreaming of being a public figure. I want that everyone around the world know me. I mean, yeah, they know me as someone with happy life. I dont want them to know my pain, my failures, my suffers. I want them to know me but not my personal figure.

Sounds weird? I know that.

I never imagine to sit behind the desk. Working since morning until night, then go home. No. I never dream it. I dream to be a free worker where I can express my feeling.

And being an artist is one of my way. But my parents dont want me to be such as singer or any entertainer. They said that it's to risky. Especially if I wanna be a K-Idol. It means I need to move to South Korea. Trained by foreign people. Live alone as foreigner without any relative.

They should be worrying me.

I tried to practice dance every night in my room. So I realize something. By video in youtube, I know that commonly trainees in South Korea are trained since 4 pm (after they come from school) until 10 pm. Which is mean they're trained 6 hours each day. Am I ready for it?

Beside that, I need to socialize with the other trainee. They can be from Korea, China, America, etc. I can speak English (better than my writing I guess) but it doesn't mean I can be their friend. I'm an introvert person, I dont know how to start a conversation. I need to be able to speak in Korean as well. It can be problem for me.

They said that those entertainment will take care of our food, housing, training, and any kind of beauty treatment. They dont handle our school. I'm from Indonesia and my parents arent that rich to send me to an international school. It means if I'm going to be trainee, I'll be going to a public school (Hah... I never attend any public school before).

It'll good if I only spend about a year as trainee such as Tao. How if I'll be trainee for 7 years like Suho? Will I be patient? If I already debut and I'm not ready with condition where everyone will be watching every breath I take, will I get frustrated? What will I do? Will I throw away my trainee days like Kris does? If I'm not in any contract with SM or any other entertainment, what will I do?

There're too much kind of jobs in this world. I dont know what job should I choose. :(

Label: SMTOWN